I want to find a lawyer who is willing to take on Jackson County, specifically Recovery Opportunity Court (ROC Court) and, possibly, OnTrack. I certainly believe that Tanya should "pay for her crimes." I'm not trying to get her out of prison. My problem with the whole devastating mess is that I believe she should still be involved in ROC court and that OnTrack and ROC court set her up to fail and did her a major disservice by terminating her participation and sending her to prison.
I do not believe that justice is meted out fairly in ROC Court or Adult Drug Court. I do not believe that the OnTrack counselor assigned to Tanya is qualified to treat her...or qualified ON HER OWN to label Tanya as "untreatable." The young man Tanya was involved with is/was an Adult Drug Court client. He and Tanya did the same things to get into trouble with the court and OnTrack. He went to the County Work Center for 90 days and then was supposed to live there "in transition" for 6 months. The last I heard, he was already out in a half-way/sober-living home, taking trips to the coast, having fun with his new girlfriend. Tanya, however, was terminated from court and sent to prison for 4-1/2 years.
Tanya had just reestablished a successful and close relationship with her son, who will turn 5 on August 21st. He is confused and devastated because he had mommy back in his life, the relationship was healthy and happy, she was ready to start having him overnight at her sober living home... Now he has nightmares and cries out for mommy in his sleep. A four-year-old child has no real concept of "mommy can't come home for four years" -- that's as long as he's been alive. Mommy will be gone "a lifetime" to him.
The court system rushed her through each phase of treatment because she was doing "better than anyone ever has before!" Tanya needed medications...levothyroid (for hypothyroidism), effexor or seroquel (for depression, anxiety, panic, and borderline personality disorder), she needed dental care and medical care for fibromyalgia and serious back problems. People with thyroid problems need their medication; not just to live well, but to function well mentally. Tanya was without any medical treatment of any kind and the court did nothing to assist her with finding some. Yet, they criticized her when she started to act less-than-perfect and started to show signs of mental and emotional problems. In my opinion, the court and OnTrack greased the wheel that rolled Tanya into the actions she took. Yes, she made the decisions she made. But I believe that the decisions were colored by a psyche that was not operating at normal capacity.
I want to sue them for the emotional distress on Elijah, the stress on our family, and..yes..the emotional strain Tanya is suffering by being so far away from her son and her family. She could have been sentenced to 6 months in the Transition Center...with no release for work or school...that way her son could have spent a little time with her every Sunday. He understood when mommy was locked up down here...it was her "getting better place" and he still got to see her.
My AA and Al-Anon friends will probably tell me that I'm out of bounds with this one. But I would like to talk to an attorney...one that is willing to take on the system. My bet is that it would be one from out of the area.
IF this blog gets read by anyone who knows that kind of attorney, or IS that kind of attorney, please respond...my gut tells me there is a case here. I've prayed about it and my gut instinct hasn't gone away, it's gotten stronger.
I want restitution for what Tanya's family is going through that was totally unnecessary. If she was doing better than anyone ever had in their program, why did they just give up on her. Prison will change her and there's no way to know if she will come out much better or much worse. Either way, her son, her parents, and even Tanya should be compensated for what I believe was a decision made out of hurt pride and anger.
It would need to be a "pro bono" case...or a "gets paid when we win" kind of deal.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Really?! Who knew...
If I had thought to ask someone, I probably would have been better informed...it just never occurred to me. I had no idea that a decision would not be given today! Now the administrative law judge from Spokane, that conducted the hearing via video conference, has 4-6 weeks to hand down her decision.
There was an MD from Indianapolis, Indiana, and a Psychologist from San Diego, California (independent consultants who had no prior communications with me, my lawyer, or the judge) present via telephone conference, and an occupational "person" (he wasn't a therapist, he was a representative that was able to speak to my ability to work considering what the doctors had to say) present with the judge in Spokane.
The MD and Psychologist were not favorable to my decision (!?) even after each reading through and summarizing 20-30 minutes (each) of moderate to severe physical and mental health conditions, medical records, hospital records, etc...they both said I did not meet qualifications of the "law" according to their opinion/s. However, they did state what they considered all of my limitations and/or provisions to be based on my conditions.
Then the judge directed my attorney to ask me questions, the answers of which were my testimony to my disability. Based on their summaries, and my testimony, at the end the occupational representative stated that with my physical and mental provisions and limitations it was his opinion that I am not able to work. He said that I could not do the work I have always done (administrative/executive assistant, office manager, etc.) - that I would only be able to work in a sedentary, unskilled position; at that, he stated, that I would certainly be able to "get" a job...but because I would be likely to miss even 1 or 2 days a month due to my limitations, I would not be able to keep a job.
So - it's in God's hands now - and I need to let it go. I'm praying for the ability to do that. I'll know in 4-6 weeks whether I'm granted disability. If I am, it will be as of 6/10/10, so I will already be qualified for Medicare, which has a 29 month waiting period from the date of disability.
Things became very, very difficult when the psychologist began to speak to my suicide attempts, substance abuse history, etc. Especially the time in 2006, right before I went to treatment and got sober, when I downed 90 klonopin in front of my 15-year-old son. The shame I still feel around that is something I haven't been able to really deal with yet and self-forgiveness has not come...always more work to do. :-/
I felt the support of my God and my friends, and was able to continue without "completely" breaking down. There were some tears, but no sobbing, and my attorney said I did a really good job of answering her questions on topic, to the point, and the way I needed to. There were a few times that I had trouble verbally expressing myself or completing a thought, but she said that happened very naturally, and primarily when it needed to...that is, it was mainly when she was questioning me about my ability to focus, process information, complete tasks, and communicate. There were a few times I couldn't remember the exact details, but she said that speaks to my brain injury and memory, and that I very naturally did and said things that were accurate to my condition/s.
That was all God...I just asked Him to direct my thoughts and words, and then I answered truthfully and from my heart.
Thank you to everyone who has been holding me up throughout the last several weeks! I love you all! :-)
There was an MD from Indianapolis, Indiana, and a Psychologist from San Diego, California (independent consultants who had no prior communications with me, my lawyer, or the judge) present via telephone conference, and an occupational "person" (he wasn't a therapist, he was a representative that was able to speak to my ability to work considering what the doctors had to say) present with the judge in Spokane.
The MD and Psychologist were not favorable to my decision (!?) even after each reading through and summarizing 20-30 minutes (each) of moderate to severe physical and mental health conditions, medical records, hospital records, etc...they both said I did not meet qualifications of the "law" according to their opinion/s. However, they did state what they considered all of my limitations and/or provisions to be based on my conditions.
Then the judge directed my attorney to ask me questions, the answers of which were my testimony to my disability. Based on their summaries, and my testimony, at the end the occupational representative stated that with my physical and mental provisions and limitations it was his opinion that I am not able to work. He said that I could not do the work I have always done (administrative/executive assistant, office manager, etc.) - that I would only be able to work in a sedentary, unskilled position; at that, he stated, that I would certainly be able to "get" a job...but because I would be likely to miss even 1 or 2 days a month due to my limitations, I would not be able to keep a job.
So - it's in God's hands now - and I need to let it go. I'm praying for the ability to do that. I'll know in 4-6 weeks whether I'm granted disability. If I am, it will be as of 6/10/10, so I will already be qualified for Medicare, which has a 29 month waiting period from the date of disability.
Things became very, very difficult when the psychologist began to speak to my suicide attempts, substance abuse history, etc. Especially the time in 2006, right before I went to treatment and got sober, when I downed 90 klonopin in front of my 15-year-old son. The shame I still feel around that is something I haven't been able to really deal with yet and self-forgiveness has not come...always more work to do. :-/
I felt the support of my God and my friends, and was able to continue without "completely" breaking down. There were some tears, but no sobbing, and my attorney said I did a really good job of answering her questions on topic, to the point, and the way I needed to. There were a few times that I had trouble verbally expressing myself or completing a thought, but she said that happened very naturally, and primarily when it needed to...that is, it was mainly when she was questioning me about my ability to focus, process information, complete tasks, and communicate. There were a few times I couldn't remember the exact details, but she said that speaks to my brain injury and memory, and that I very naturally did and said things that were accurate to my condition/s.
That was all God...I just asked Him to direct my thoughts and words, and then I answered truthfully and from my heart.
Thank you to everyone who has been holding me up throughout the last several weeks! I love you all! :-)
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Life...on life's terms.
I haven't posted since February. So much has happened and continues to happen in my life. I work daily to grow my faith in God, to pray for His will in my life and the life of my family, and to praise Him in the middle of this incredible storm that has become daily life.
I'm not sure I can even begin to wrap my head around what is really going on. Our daughter has been involved with Recovery Opportunity Court (ROC Court...an adult treatment court) in Jackson County, Oregon, since July of 2012. She appeared to be doing so well...but she wasn't. She'd been hiding things and breaking rules, and when confronted, she continued to lie. When she finally admitted the truth, the damage had been done. Next Tuesday morning she will be sentenced to serve prison time at a women's correctional facility near Portland. Unless the Judge has a sudden --and highly unlikely-- change of heart, my baby girl will be going away for 6-1/2 years. I have no real words to describe how much this hurts, how badly my heart is breaking, and how I feel as though the nightmare will never end.
Her dad and I were made guardians of her 4-1/2 year old son on March 6th. He doesn't understand why he hasn't seen mommy lately...they had developed a very close relationship in the last 8 months and she was ready to have unsupervised and overnight visits. How do I explain to a 4 year old that I don't know when he will be able to see mommy again...and that it will be so far away...and only for a short time....and only very occasionally...?
I had shoulder surgery February 20th and have been unable to use my right arm for much of anything for the past 6 weeks...I can't drive for another 12 weeks. The stress makes the pain worse...the pain makes the stress worse...it just goes round and round.
I'm not trying to "play the victim" in any of this...I just don't know exactly how to cope except to do what I've been taught in AA - to share about how I feel and what's going on. I've started going to Al-Anon too, and I have an Al-Anon sponsor that I'm going to be working with. I know I need to take care of myself, but it's hard. This is ripping my husband apart too - and he doesn't talk about his feelings and doesn't want to talk about mine. Life at our house isn't at its best these days.
I know that God has a plan for my life, for my grandson's life, for my husband's life, and for my daughter's life. I know that I don't need to know what that plan is and that I just need to trust in Him. I read that "if God leads you to it, He WILL bring you through it."
I'm counting on that.
I'm not sure I can even begin to wrap my head around what is really going on. Our daughter has been involved with Recovery Opportunity Court (ROC Court...an adult treatment court) in Jackson County, Oregon, since July of 2012. She appeared to be doing so well...but she wasn't. She'd been hiding things and breaking rules, and when confronted, she continued to lie. When she finally admitted the truth, the damage had been done. Next Tuesday morning she will be sentenced to serve prison time at a women's correctional facility near Portland. Unless the Judge has a sudden --and highly unlikely-- change of heart, my baby girl will be going away for 6-1/2 years. I have no real words to describe how much this hurts, how badly my heart is breaking, and how I feel as though the nightmare will never end.
Her dad and I were made guardians of her 4-1/2 year old son on March 6th. He doesn't understand why he hasn't seen mommy lately...they had developed a very close relationship in the last 8 months and she was ready to have unsupervised and overnight visits. How do I explain to a 4 year old that I don't know when he will be able to see mommy again...and that it will be so far away...and only for a short time....and only very occasionally...?
I had shoulder surgery February 20th and have been unable to use my right arm for much of anything for the past 6 weeks...I can't drive for another 12 weeks. The stress makes the pain worse...the pain makes the stress worse...it just goes round and round.
I'm not trying to "play the victim" in any of this...I just don't know exactly how to cope except to do what I've been taught in AA - to share about how I feel and what's going on. I've started going to Al-Anon too, and I have an Al-Anon sponsor that I'm going to be working with. I know I need to take care of myself, but it's hard. This is ripping my husband apart too - and he doesn't talk about his feelings and doesn't want to talk about mine. Life at our house isn't at its best these days.
I know that God has a plan for my life, for my grandson's life, for my husband's life, and for my daughter's life. I know that I don't need to know what that plan is and that I just need to trust in Him. I read that "if God leads you to it, He WILL bring you through it."
I'm counting on that.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Prayer Works
Well, I haven't posted since January 31st...I guess I haven't felt "inspired." I'm having surgery next week on my right shoulder (torn rotator cuff)...I had the same repair done in 2008, but it didn't heal properly. About 6-8 months ago it really started hurting and a trip to the orthopedic specialist, plus a new MRI, revealed that it has been re-injured. I'm pretty sure that happened when I stopped my grandson, Elijah, from running full speed down the hall with my right arm. Several friends have said, "I'll keep you in my prayers," and I really appreciate that. It reminds me that I need to pray about it, and about other things and for other people, too.
Interestingly enough, for the last several days, the reminder of prayer has been all around me. Bible verses about prayer, daily meditations regarding prayer, that reading in the Big Book about getting rid of resentments by praying for the person I'm feeling resentful towards... hmmm, I wonder if God is trying to "inspire" me...?
The Bible tells us to "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phillipians 4:6). Psalms 5:3 says, "My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up." In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it talks about "morning meditations" in three places... so the biblical idea, expressed in Psalms, of talking to God in the morning, is a plan we work to put into action in recovery from alcoholism and addiction.
Prayer works. It's one of my favorite #hashtags on Twitter...#PrayerWorks. Because, it does. The Bible has examples throughout of the people crying out to God in prayer, and those prayers being answered. Abram, Hannah, and Zacharias all prayed for sons...and God gave them sons. Moses prayed for deliverance from the Egyptians and God parted the Red Sea. I have complete faith that if I pray, God hears me. His answer will come...in His time...every time. Sometimes, His answer might be "no." But, I believe that means He has a better plan...in fact, He has the best plan!
So, today, I will leave you with the words from Page 164 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and a prayer that God will richly bless you, and yours, in everything you do. :-)
Interestingly enough, for the last several days, the reminder of prayer has been all around me. Bible verses about prayer, daily meditations regarding prayer, that reading in the Big Book about getting rid of resentments by praying for the person I'm feeling resentful towards... hmmm, I wonder if God is trying to "inspire" me...?
The Bible tells us to "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phillipians 4:6). Psalms 5:3 says, "My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up." In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it talks about "morning meditations" in three places... so the biblical idea, expressed in Psalms, of talking to God in the morning, is a plan we work to put into action in recovery from alcoholism and addiction.
Prayer works. It's one of my favorite #hashtags on Twitter...#PrayerWorks. Because, it does. The Bible has examples throughout of the people crying out to God in prayer, and those prayers being answered. Abram, Hannah, and Zacharias all prayed for sons...and God gave them sons. Moses prayed for deliverance from the Egyptians and God parted the Red Sea. I have complete faith that if I pray, God hears me. His answer will come...in His time...every time. Sometimes, His answer might be "no." But, I believe that means He has a better plan...in fact, He has the best plan!
So, today, I will leave you with the words from Page 164 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and a prayer that God will richly bless you, and yours, in everything you do. :-)
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you - until then.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Resentments
My AA sponsor and I have both been feeling just a little "pissy" towards some of the people in our lives lately; and, as alcoholics, we know that resentments --left to fester-- can lead us to drink. My sponsor suggested that both of us read from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 552-553, every day for two weeks. It says, basically, that in order to relieve resentments, we just need to pray for the person we're resentful about. It says to ask, in prayer, for the things we want for ourselves to be granted the other person. It says to do THAT every day for two weeks, as well.
In the Big Book, Chapter 5, page 64, it states, "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." In the Bible (NIV), Job 5:2 says, "Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." I'm thinking that praying for someone, every day for two weeks, sounds like an excellent alternative to a resentment that leads to drinking again and, eventually, death. Because drinking again will turn me into a fool and resentment, according to the bible, kills a fool!
So, I'm off to read pages 552-553, pray for a few folks, and stay sober and alive one more day! :-)
In the Big Book, Chapter 5, page 64, it states, "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." In the Bible (NIV), Job 5:2 says, "Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." I'm thinking that praying for someone, every day for two weeks, sounds like an excellent alternative to a resentment that leads to drinking again and, eventually, death. Because drinking again will turn me into a fool and resentment, according to the bible, kills a fool!
So, I'm off to read pages 552-553, pray for a few folks, and stay sober and alive one more day! :-)
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