Life...on life's terms.

I haven't posted since February.  So much has happened and continues to happen in my life.  I work daily to grow my faith in God, to pray for His will in my life and the life of my family, and to praise Him in the middle of this incredible storm that has become daily life.

I'm not sure I can even begin to wrap my head around what is really going on.  Our daughter has been involved with Recovery Opportunity Court (ROC Court...an adult treatment court) in Jackson County, Oregon, since July of 2012.  She appeared to be doing so well...but she wasn't.  She'd been hiding things and breaking rules, and when confronted, she continued to lie.  When she finally admitted the truth, the damage had been done.  Next Tuesday morning she will be sentenced to serve prison time at a women's correctional facility near Portland.  Unless the Judge has a sudden --and highly unlikely-- change of heart, my baby girl will be going away for 6-1/2 years.  I have no real words to describe how much this hurts, how badly my heart is breaking, and how I feel as though the nightmare will never end.

Her dad and I were made guardians of her 4-1/2 year old son on March 6th.  He doesn't understand why he hasn't seen mommy lately...they had developed a very close relationship in the last 8 months and she was ready to have unsupervised and overnight visits.  How do I explain to a 4 year old that I don't know when he will be able to see mommy again...and that it will be so far away...and only for a short time....and only very occasionally...?

I had shoulder surgery February 20th and have been unable to use my right arm for much of anything for the past 6 weeks...I can't drive for another 12 weeks.  The stress makes the pain worse...the pain makes the stress worse...it just goes round and round.

I'm not trying to "play the victim" in any of this...I just don't know exactly how to cope except to do what I've been taught in AA - to share about how I feel and what's going on.  I've started going to Al-Anon too, and I have an Al-Anon sponsor that I'm going to be working with.  I know I need to take care of myself, but it's hard.  This is ripping my husband apart too - and he doesn't talk about his feelings and doesn't want to talk about mine.  Life at our house isn't at its best these days.

I know that God has a plan for my life, for my grandson's life, for my husband's life, and for my daughter's life.  I know that I don't need to know what that plan is and that I just need to trust in Him.  I read that "if God leads you to it, He WILL bring you through it."

I'm counting on that.